7 Key Conversations to Have Before Getting Married

Getting married is one of the most exciting milestones in life, but building a lasting and fulfilling partnership requires more than just wedding planning. Strong relationships thrive on open communication and shared understanding, and having meaningful conversations before tying the knot can set the foundation for a happy marriage.

Here are seven key conversations every couple should have before saying “I do.”

1. Shared Goals and Future Plans

Marriage is about building a life together, so it’s crucial to align on your goals for the future. Discuss topics like:

   •       Where you want to live (city, suburbs, or somewhere else entirely).

   •       Career aspirations and how they may impact your relationship.

   •       Whether you plan to have children and, if so, your approach to parenting.

Aligning your visions for the future helps ensure you’re both moving in the same direction.

2. Finances and Money Management

Money is one of the top sources of conflict in relationships, so having an honest conversation about finances is essential. Explore:

   •       How you’ll manage joint expenses (e.g., separate accounts, joint accounts, or a mix).

   •       Attitudes toward saving, spending, and debt.

   •       Long-term financial goals like buying a home, saving for retirement, or traveling.

Being transparent about your financial values and habits can prevent misunderstandings later on.

3. Communication and Conflict Resolution

Every couple will face disagreements, but how you handle them matters. Discuss:

   •       Your individual communication styles (e.g., do you prefer to address conflicts immediately or take time to process?).

   •       How you’ll approach difficult conversations without resorting to blame or criticism.

   •       Any triggers or past experiences that influence how you react during conflicts.

Building healthy communication habits early can strengthen your relationship during challenging times.

4. Roles and Responsibilities

Marriage often involves a division of labor, both inside and outside the home. Talk about:

   •       How you’ll divide household responsibilities like cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping.

   •       Expectations around work-life balance and how you’ll support each other.

   •       Whether you’re comfortable with traditional or more flexible roles in your partnership.

Clarifying these expectations upfront can reduce frustration and ensure both partners feel valued.

5. Intimacy and Sexual Expectations

Physical and emotional intimacy are vital parts of a healthy marriage. Have an open and honest discussion about:

   •       What intimacy means to each of you.

   •       Your sexual needs, boundaries, and preferences.

   •       How you’ll keep the spark alive as your relationship evolves.

This conversation may feel vulnerable, but it’s essential for maintaining connection and trust.

6. Values and Beliefs

Your personal values and beliefs often shape the decisions you make as a couple. Topics to explore include:

   •       Religious or spiritual beliefs and how they’ll play a role in your marriage.

   •       Political values and how you’ll approach differences, if they arise.

   •       The importance of traditions, holidays, and cultural practices in your life together.

Understanding and respecting each other’s values can help you navigate differences with empathy.

7. Dealing With Life’s Challenges

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and being prepared to face them as a team is critical. Talk about:

   •       How you’ll support each other through health issues, job losses, or family challenges.

   •       What you’ll do if you experience major disagreements or periods of disconnection.

   •       How you’ll prioritize your relationship during difficult times.

Planning for tough times doesn’t mean you’re expecting them—it simply means you’re committed to weathering them together.

Final Thoughts

These conversations aren’t always easy, but they are essential for building a strong foundation in your marriage. By openly discussing your expectations, values, and goals, you’ll create a partnership rooted in trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

If you’re feeling uncertain about how to approach these topics, premarital counseling can provide a safe and supportive space to explore them further. As a therapist specializing in relationship counseling, I can help you and your partner navigate these important conversations and prepare for a lifetime of love and connection.

Ready to take the next step? Contact me today for a free 20 minute consultation to learn more about premarital counseling.

Sarah Fishman, MFTC (she/her) is a Denver-based relationship and sex therapist specializing in infidelity repair, sex-positive counseling, and couples therapy. With a direct and empathetic approach, Sarah helps individuals and partners rebuild trust, improve communication, and embrace their authentic selves. She is LGBTQ+ and kink-affirming, offering a safe space for all relationship dynamics.. When she’s not working with clients, Sarah enjoys cuddling on the couch with a steaming mug of hot tea and her two dogs, Reese and Archie.